this government is fucked

good morning

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 16:15:28 GMT

my name is christina and i am addicted to coffee. it's official. working at the hospital makes you addicted to coffee especially working at night. i am always flabbergasted by residents i meet whom do not drink and or like coffee. WFT!! coffee is life. and unfortunately addicted to starbucks coffee since they sell cheap bags of it at Target. mmmmmmmmm. i sit here sipping on a cup right now. even though i got out of bed at 0930, i am still hanging out and drinking my morning coffee.
well today i am going to go to my parents house and spend the night. it is always good to "go home" and smell the smells and taste the tastes and feel the feels of the past. that is always comforting. plse i haven't talked to my dad in a while and i'd like to get his political view on the current elections. i'm wondering who he wants to vote for. i cannot decide between obama and hillary. i also want to go home so i can see my mom's new haircut. dont you love how i just went from being so sophisticated to so fickle. hehehe.

dreams and reality

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 20:11:52 GMT

i had a dream last night and it was about the future, it took place in 2375 and in a place much like today. my family was there and they were concentrating on the same issues from around this present time. they had some how frozen themselves and had come back to the future within the last year or so. some people could not see me but some could. i began to ask questions to the people of 2375 and apparently all of the water was undrinkable and bottled water was in small 4oz containers and was 10 dollars a pop. The earth had warmed. The government was messed up. the bush dynasty was still in power. the world had never stopped having wars since the current war we are fighting in iraq right now. that particular war went on for years and then continued with other issues that the US was involved in. The national debt was some out of control number, there was no social security and no medicare. my nephew in the dream had fallen and bumped his head and i suggested to take him to the ER and she flipped out because she could not afford the ER. There was no money. everything on earth cost large amounts and there was no governmental help. what was interesting though was that there was another planet that people were traveling to, however to get a spot on the ship it cost 35,000 dollars and no one had any money. so it was very interesting. the buses did run on veggie oil and smelled like air conditioners. all the cars blew off cold air because it was so warm in the climate secondary to global warming. fucked right? i was most upset when i awoke because none of the water was drinkable. hmmmm.

watching wheel of fortune

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 00:23:57 GMT

my belly dance class was canceled tonight secondary to shitty weather in portland. that makes me sad because i had to miss last week's class due to my needing to be at work. however i was at work last week on a wednesday because i took thursday night off to go to merrill auditorium to see the illustrious ani difranco. she was so amazing, i saw her a few years ago in 2003 at the expo. she was unfortunately really off her game. drunk or stoned... or something. on thursday however she was amazing. she opened with "both hands", which is like my all time fav and played some new stuff. her dancing was cute, her hair was choppy, her drummer was hot and her biceps were amazing. the entire set was great and her opener anias mitchell was cute as a button. her acoustic sound was beautiful. it was a nice compliment to the smooth sound of ani.
so currently i am in the process of trying to get connected with partners of FTM's much like myself. well, not the FTM part but the partner part is much like myself. i'm having a bit of trouble. if anyone out there has any info please let me know........

almost one hear later

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 20:06:17 GMT

so here i stand, again in front of a computer to pour my heart out over a keyboard to be posted as a journal entry live for all those to see. i am 21 about to be 22 at the end of august just late enough to be considered a virgo, ready to graduate in december, done with my partnership in the dominican republic, met the woman of my dreams and am engaged to be married while today i celebrate 8 months being with her. we will be married in may of 2008 a little less then two years away, so much to plan for. i recently ordered a book from amazon.com about planning gay and lesbian weddings. i'll probably be getting that sometime this week or early next. my fiance is beautiful and will be referenced as Frances, her middle pseudo name. she is the most beautiful thing i've ever known, very articulate and sophisticated. i love you with all my heart and i desire to stay with her until the end comes. she smells as sweet as morning dew and tastes just as comprable. her birthday is tomorrow and i have bought for her a marvelous gift, i know she'll enjoy. peace.

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 22:45:57 GMT

fireworks under the the spell of slightly sweet intoxication leaning onto a pretty girl makes for an exquisite fourth.

fucking amazing

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 21:39:15 GMT

last night with the neighbor, best friend, lust of my life, and a few people i just met went skinny dipping at two lights. it was soooo fucking cold. only K and i went in the water bare ass. we fucking rock. yee haw. peace.

too much

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 16:11:43 GMT

E opened up too much to me last night and wanted to make out with me. i did not think that that was ok. i will stand my ground. peace.

panic

Sun, 19 Jun 2005 22:09:53 GMT

i had a anxiety attack on monday with hyperventilating and flash backs. the whole works. then i cried and hid for an hour. then b let me lay in her bed for an hour and she just held me and let me talk and held my hand. i am still coming down from it. today i am ok. i have been doing some painting and that has made me feel more at peace with myself. peace

going out

Sat, 21 May 2005 00:30:51 GMT

i like my jobs. and everything is going well. tonight i am going to a party which i have not done in a while. it should be fun. maybe i'll meet someone here tonight, that would be fab. i have a good feeling about this perhaps. hmmmm indeed. anywho it will be sweet to hang with ms. askini. she rocks my socks, and she's fucking hott. nothing like it in the whole world. indeed. later...peace

crosses fingers

Sun, 01 May 2005 13:10:23 GMT

i do hope everything works out well in the next four weeks. ugh. but the good news is that i found some money squirrled away in a few accounts that i have not touched in a while. peace.

nerves

Sun, 01 May 2005 00:17:47 GMT

i am very nervous about next june. very very nervous. and i ruined my hair with bleach and had to but it all off. whatever i guess.

almost went under

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 14:06:15 GMT

my arm looks like shit this morning, it hurt last night and i had the worst headache of my life. that sucked. i took some ibuprofen and lay down in my bed. that felt a bit better, but it still was throbbing my my head. arg my life sucks. i want more coffee. i think i will go get some and maybe like a bagel or something. i dont know. i need more money and i should get on that. finals are approaching.

upset

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 01:46:08 GMT

i am mad. i am mad because no one wants to me by partner and no one ever wants to go out of their way to do something with or just in general. i was always under the general consensus that i was loved by everyone. and not i find that that is most certainly not true, but is only when someone wants something or when it is convient for them. i also share way too much about myself that its to the point that people are telling me things about myself i did not want to hear and did not think they should be telling me. and that sucks and i hate them so much. my life is a sham and i will end it just like that and then we'll see when it's convient for them all. i'll do it right in the middle of final exam week, wont they all love that, i'll take away from their study time and then they will have to pay attention. i know that there is good attention and bad attention and i feel that i only get bad attention, and then i just feel like shit over it. a funeral will be bad attention disguised as good attention. we'll just see who's laughing now. i want a monument in my name. and i will have what i want. i sick of taking people's bull shit. it's all over.....

it could reach 60 degrees outside today

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 15:30:32 GMT

i am doing better. still a little alone, but i know who i can call and count on. b and i are doing okay. there was talk of us moving in together, but she wont make up her mind and is not saying no to me for some reason. i called and told her i needed an answer from her today. i'm not sure how well that will go over, could be good and could be bad. school is going awesome. i am excelling in my classes. my parents have been having trouble with their tenants and had a big scare earlier this week. so i was going to take saturday for myself, but i invited them to come instead. cause i think they could use some loving. n is coming to see me today, and i hope that goes well. i can put my hair up into a ponytail for the first time in like two years. so i kind of like my hair now that's grown out a bit. i think it looks good no matter what. i am so very happy to be turning 21 this summer. i'm sad that it's not until the end of august, but that is okay i guess. we'll party it up right before school starts i guess. b and c and i are going to hopefully party it pretty hard. c invited me to work with her at the vets home and i think i just might do that. she said if we worked the same shift she'd give me a ride to and from work. that would rock. it's in scarbrough, so if she couldn't make it to work, then i'm kind of stuck. so i'll give it another little though, before i plan for sure. but it sounds like i could be making like 13 or 14 $$ an hour, which is pretty sweet. anywho. i'm out of here. peace.

a-lone

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 14:17:47 GMT

i hate everything. i feel alone. please dont isolate me in my handmade time capsule.

the wedding

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 21:15:29 GMT

so i finally got a dress for L's wedding on the 19th. it is beautiful and really fucking snazzy if i do say so myself...and i do. and i got shoes and a stole. it is going to look great. and i asked K if she would go with me instead of my mom. and she said she'd have to double check her work schedule and ask for it off if she was working.
last night at the monologues was amazing. my cousin came with me and the show was great. Ape was not crazy at all last night which is amazing. everyone said how thin and beautiful i looked. amazing..i know, what can i say. thank you. and i was the only vagina warrior present and so ape asked me to come up on stage receive my certificate and make an acceptance speech. it was the first time that i got to speek pubically to an audiance about my sexual rape over a year ago. and i said wonderful things about the monologues and how when i started to talk about my rape people told me it didnt' happen and i asked everyone to believe her when she comes to you to tell you that she was raped. i was greeted and accepted and supported with thunderous applause which felt good. and people embraced me afterwards. it was a powerful night for many reasons. peace.

gross out

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 01:06:52 GMT

so it's agreed. i hate to cry about this. i want to stop. show me how to stop loving her. please show me now. i'm at the end of my rope.

i love her.....STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 03:43:21 GMT

i'm cold.
you're a stupid fat fucker.
i hate you.
i definatly hate her.
i hate being in love with her.
i hate me.
i hate girls.
i dont like eating.
i hate that people like eating.
i am tired.
i hate being tired.
i think sleeping is at stupid waste of time.
strummin' MY pain with his finger.
you're face is dumb.
being gay is dumb.
i hate it.
i still hate you.
you should go away and leave me alone.
i'm cold.
i hate being cold.
i hate being overheated even more.
i hate pharmacology.
i hate wasting my time.
i like my new cell phone though.
but i hate it that you dont call me.
i hate going to the gym with you.
i love going to the gym with you though.
i hate being fat.
i hate not losing weight when i want to.
i hate that i want to lose weight.
i hate that everyone knows so much about me.
i hate that no one understands me none the less.
i hate that my throat hurts.
i do not like being sick.
i think being sick is a waste of my time.
i hate money.
i like to shop though.
i think bills are a big waste of my time.
i like school though.
school is expensive and usm will rape you of everything you're made up and then still jump you in the back alley when you least expect you and then spit on you when you have nothing left...not even a crumb.
sometimes i feel like dieing.
sometimes i feel like living.
sometimes i dont want to wake up, but then that may be cause i dont sleep well.
you're still a stupid fucker.
i hate that calcutta is such a sad desolate place.
i hate child prostitution.
i think sexual violence is fucked up.
i think men and women who sexually abuse kids should go away forever.
i think people who rape for any reason should go away.
i hate therapy.
i hate that bonnie told my micro class that i had a therapist.
but then she didn't, she just said it outloud.
people still heard and i hate that.
i hate borrowing her deoderant and smelling her all day long after.
no i really like it.
no i really hate it.
i do hate that i cannot figure this whole thing out.
i hate that my mom told me that i love her.
i hate that i wont admit it.
i hate that i do admit it.
i hate that i cant have her in my life.
and i hate the same that i cant get her out of my life.
i hate that i think about her. i hate it when i dont.
i am sick when i look upon her.
i am sick when i look not upon her.
i hate that i have to sit here and ramble on about it.
i hate that i like it.
i hate that this makes me feel better.
i hate that in two minutes when i stop i wont feel any better.
i like christina aguilera.
yeah i like her.
i hate that she told me that christina aguilera got married.
i hate it that i got too drunk.
i hate it that i kissed.
i hate it that she kissed me back.
no i liked that.
i did hate it when she pulled away and said she couldn't.
i hated it that she had a girlfriend.
i hate it now that she does not.
i like it no that she does not have a girlfriend.
i hate it that it was not me.
i hate that it is not me.
i am glad that it is not me.
i would like it if it was.
yeah i would like that very much.
i hate that all i want to do more then anything in the world is reach over and take her in my arms and kiss her lips until i can taste her spirit and i want to be so close to feel her heart beating at the very same moment as mine and be able to hold that moment forever and always be able to look back and remember how i felt at that very moment and what it felt like to feel it at that very same moment.
i hate ending....

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 15:26:14 GMT

you're a stupid butt face, but i love you anway. i have not slept in three days...and my water bottle smelled bad so i went to get another one.

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 20:41:28 GMT

if your life was this stupid what would you do?

fucking lame

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 15:17:21 GMT

today is a stupid, i dont want to go to class...so i think i will go right when it starts, i dont want to see anyone today i dont want to have lunch with b i dont want to sit next to her. i feel like a fool when i am around her. i'm glad that i did not have therapy yesterday, cause i wouldnt' have wanted to go. i hate having problems and i want to go eat my banana. and i'm nervous about my chach. i checked her out last night and she looked okay, but one never knows. if i have an STD i'll shit for sure. but it's all in my head cause i dont so dont worry. she is a closed shop though, i dont think i've been very nice to her for a while now. and so now i am going to start. yes yes indeed. why am i cranky today? well i didn't get enough sleep and being around B is hard cause i know she was at brandy's house last night. gross. i dont even want to think about it. fucking lame. i hate girls they suck. christina does not want to date anymore. and donna was not in, so that fucking sucked too. what a fucking great day. blow me!!

not getting my assessment homework done

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 23:37:29 GMT

i had a complete emotional breakdown on fri and all day sat over B. i finally felt things and got angry and pretty much laid in my bed and cried all day. i have not seen b since fri but we spoke on the phone last night it went well. i got to hear all the things i needed to hear from b, which made me happy. she said we were meant to be friends and that makes me happy because i definatly agree. if it's meant to happen then it will and by george it will. peace.

student laboratory manual for physical examination and health assessment

Mon, 08 Nov 2004 00:30:21 GMT

yes school is underway. i miss women's studies on thurs last week and i think n gish is going to behead me. but we'll see. lets just say i get away with a lot of stuff and i'm a good liar. i went to the grocery store today and it was crowded and lame. i hate shopping for food. but i did get a big bag of trail mix and a box of poptarts and that makes me happyi wonder if i should go take a break and eat some food. actually i think i'm going to go in search of gum. mmmm gum. the other white meat. well actually it wouldn't matter if that last comment makes sense or not because i dont eat meat ever. it's going to be a boring thanksgiving. why do holidays have to be centered around certain foods. i dont get it. lame ass lamington. peace.

"you say he's a faggot, do you want to kick in his brain"

Sat, 06 Nov 2004 02:48:35 GMT

i like my life. and my apartment is clean. that is what i do on a friday night off to myself when the roommate is in new york: clean my apartment in my underware. peace.

Sun, 31 Oct 2004 23:30:46 GMT

nursing school is hard. i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. unless that worst enemy is myself.